Love letters to the unknown
by amberittokiotoya
Summary: Ciel has a very fatal and deadly disease, But Sebastian knows nothing about it. Ciel has been distancing himself from his servants so when his time comes they wont grieve, He has been secretly writing letters to Sebastian but has never sent them out. But what happens when Sebastian finds Ciel's stash of letters that were addressed to no one but Sebastian?
1. The Un-Received Letters

_**'Authors **_**P.O.V**

A boy not older than 13 years of age sat at a desk full of papers. The stacks obscuring anyone from viewing his face. His beautiful bluish green hair shining in the sunlight was all you could see.  
>The paleness of his slim but small fingers running smoothly across paper to paper filling each one with details. The silent howl of the wind across the windows, The dancing of the branches in the silent night. One might say that this was a peaceful place without one disturbance, but that is far from the truth.<br>Many screams and crashes could be heard throughout the extremely large, yet vacant mansion, even barks were echoing off the walls. All of the noise was disturbing to the young earl, who sat at the large desk which was overflowing with massive piles of paper, and he hadn't even begun to finish half of his work. As he sat there concentrating, trying to block out the noise, a slightly tired and sluggish feeling started to creep it's way into his mind and body. Sighing the young earl stood and stretched letting his limbs crack and relax from their once confined state. He grabbed his notebook, that he kept secretly locked inside his desk's bottom right hand drawer, and he exited the office. Slowly, he made his way back to his room making sure that no disturbances would find their way to his ears.

Finally, he made his way back to his dimly lit room and to his king sized bed, which was white with golden framing. The walls were also all white, and the curtains were a dark shade of blue that contrasted well with the wall color. In the right corner of the room, nearest to the bathroom, was a white piano. There was a wardrobe that sat on the other side of the bathroom door and another desk that was smaller than what was in the office.  
>The young Earl walked over to the desk and sat down. He picked up the soft feathery Quill and he dipped it slowly in the ink to confine the tip in black. He brought the quill down to his now open note book and he started to write.<p>

'** Dear Sebastian,**

** though my feelings will never be conveyed to you for you will never see this letter I feel like writing all of my feelings out. But this is a very foolish and childish thing to do. I have been writing un-sent letters for months to you all hidden from your knowledge.**

** As your master I am not allowed to feel the things I feel towards you but ever since I could remember I have been alone and A slave. My parents deaths always reoccurring in my dreams. It always made me feel safe with you around laughing, smirking, angry, hungry, embarrassed I'm glad that I was able to see all this and no one else, But I don't have long to live. As I have said in previous letters I have a very fatal disease. Called Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. ****They say I only have one more year to live. Although leaving you will be very painful for me I think it would be the best if I left. You were never really given the choice of a normal life, Nor were you given the freedom you deserved. But that will all change in a few more days. You will have the freedom you secretly always wanted and It will cost me my life for it to happen.**

**But I will gladly give my life for the cause.**

_~Sincerely, Ciel Phantomhive_

The young earl slowly set the quill down and he sighed contently. He pushed himself away from the desk and he stood up. Each passing minute, hour and Day that passed took it's toll slowly on the young earl and when ever the butler came around he had to stifle the bloody coughs. To say the least dying was killing him quite literally might I add.  
>He silently made his way over to his silk covered bed and he smoothly slid underneath the covers. His body racked with the coughs he had to conceal due to his butler just being a few doors away.<p>

*knock knock knock.* silent yet loud knocks made their way to the young earls sensitive ears and he groaned. "Come in." He said and a handsome man who's age is unknown walked into the room. "What is the matter Sebastian?" He asked because the butler usually never goes into the young earls sleeping chambers unless called.  
>"I was worried young master. You weren't in your study and I found blood on the floor I thought someone had taken you." He said and he walked over to the young earls bedside table. "Well i'm still here is there anything else? If not please leave, I need my sleep I have plenty of work I need to catch up on thanks to those ingrates we call servants." He said and he turned back over.<p>

The butler tried to hide his shock but failed. He was surprised at the coldness that the young earl was showing him. So instead of saying anything he just turned and walked out of the room, Unknowing to him, He left the young earl crying. 'This is the only way.' He repeated over and over to himself.

-Outside the mansion-  
><em><strong>Sebastian's <strong>_**P.O.V  
>"<strong>I wonder why the young master was acting like that. He seems more distant now." I said to myself thinking hard, Wondering if it was something I did to upset him. "He started to get distant a few weeks ago after the doctor visited for his yearly check- up."

**~flashback~  
><strong>  
>"Thank you so much for the trouble of coming all the way out here just for a check- up." I said bowing to the doctor and he shook his hand back and forth. "No no my son it is no trouble at all." He said and I led him to the young masters room.<br>"Young lord? The doctor is here." I said and I heard a reply, So I opened the door. The young master was sitting on his window seat looking out with the wind blowing his hair back. "Very well thank you Sebastian." He said and I bowed.

I let the doctor into the room and shut the door behind him. "Sebastian out. Do not listen nor interrupt." He said and I was going to protest but decided against it and I left the room. About an hour later the doctor exited the room and I walked him to the front door.  
>After I saw him off I made my way back to the young masters room. He sat where he always sits during doctor visits, Except he was pale, Very very pale. "Young master is something wrong?" I asked him and he seemed to snap out of his thoughts. "No- it's nothing you are dismissed." He said and I bowed leaving, him to his thoughts but I couldn't stop the sense of dread creeping its way into the lower parts of ,my stomach.<br>**~End of flashback~**

I sighed sitting down on the garden bench. I convinced myself that when he goes out tomorrow to visit Lady Elizabeth I was going to search for any clues. Hoping to myself that that sense of dread I felt that day wasn't going to come true.

_**I have made and finished yet another story/chapter. I am extremely proud of myself. everyone seemed to be making these kind of stories so I said "Heck why not?" Ha ha ha my humor. But my brother still wont let me leave and neither will my boyfriend. Sigh save me my followers!**_


	2. The First Letter He Ever Wrote

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji Aka Black butler nor any of their characters oh and may be some spoilers in here. :D  
>Sebastian's<strong>_**P.O.V**

Ciel has been looking paler as everyday passes, He's gotten alot skinnier and He has distanced himself, This all started when the doctor came. I have been growing more and more worried. He has to go to Lady Elizabeth's estate today and he told me that I cannot come. Looks like today I have to look around Ciel's office and bedroom for any clues as to why he is so pale and pushing everyone away. To say the most It hurts to see him so weak and fragile and I still have no idea why.  
>"Sebastian I am off make sure not to destroy the manor while i'm gone." He said and Tanaka set off with him in the back of the carriage. I bowed and when he was out of sight I shut the front door and made my way quickly up to Ciel's office. I searched all over the room in less than 5 minutes but I found nothing. even the drawer that he usually had locked was unlocked but nothing was inside.<p>

I huffed in annoyance and I ran to Ciels bedroom. I've only been in here when I was called or he was kidnapped for no reason. But to say the least it always amazes me how beautiful it looks in here. I began to look through his night stand but I found nothing and the same went for everything else. I started to get more frustrated as time passed and I still couldn't find a damn thing.  
>Then I turned, The only place I didn't think to look is his personal desk. So I did what everyone would do, I looked through his desk. I found nothing so far but then this golden and silver box's glare caught my eyes. I picked the box up and opened the Lid slowly and what was revealed to me shocked me greatly. Letters were stacked on letters. You could easily say that there is more than 100 letters in there. But that is not what surprised me. What surprised me is that they were all addressed to me.<p>

Out of all the letters from the top to the bottom I picked one from the bottom of the stack and It had a number on it 1. it said on the bottom right hand corner. I opened it and I begun to read it, Taking note how neat his hand writing has gotten.  
><strong><em>~Dear Sebastian.<br>This is my first letter to you Sebastian and I feel silly writing it but here goes absolutely nothing. You will never receive this but I feel as if I should do something about all the emotions swirling around in my heart and in my head. I feel as if my heart will burst at times but I will never let that show. I found out that i'm sick, very sick. They said I have only a few years left. You might not get your soul then and I am very sorry for that. Ha, see childish and i'm sixteen years of age. But I treasure everything you have done for me and everything you are still doing. All my memories of you will forever be in my heart even when I 'm on my death bed. But you know it's not like I had a reason to live anyways. i'm done searching for my parent's murderer, I was cured from that god awful demon state. Honestly I have absolutely no idea how you could put up with that hunger for so long. Any ways I seem to be watching you more and more and some times no matter how ironic this is you glow like an angel. But I shouldn't get attached to someone or something so easily, Just like you and your dumb cats.  
><em>**** Sincerely, Ciel A. Phantomhive.  
><strong>**_  
><em>** I finished reading the letter and I couldn't believe he hid something like this hidden from me. But I couldn't help but laugh at his reasons and Irony. No matter if he was dying or dead I would follow him into death for he is my master. He is stubborn, annoying at times and cranky in the morning but overall he is calm, collected, sweet *Deep deep deeeeep down* and sure as hell very full of himself but that was all his good points. So it hurt me deeply as to why he wouldn't confide in me. And I couldn't help but think "what is in the next letter?"

_**Ha ha ha. Sorry these are going to be shorter chapters than THE DIVIDE, HOME, And WAKE UP. because mainly they will have Ciel's letters in them. :P but I hope you guys enjoy my writing and cry with Sebastian and Ciel as they go through the most painful time of their' Well Ciel's life. Hence Sebastian is a demon therefore he is dead. he he he. This chapter is dedicated to my best friend, Editor, and #1 fan Promocat. still my boyfriend and brother are stubborn as hell. *Humphs angrily* They wont let me leave the dang hospital! ~Ano-Chan**_


	3. The Second Letter He Ever Wrote

_**Sebastian's P.O.V**_

When I finished reading the first letter I felt my throat close as my tears tried to come up. I moved to the next letter and hesitated. What is going to be in this letter? Do I really want to find out? How will I react if it's something bad? All these questions sped through my head as I picked up the second letter and just like the first one it had a number on it.  
>I unfolded it and began to read.<br>_**~Dear Sebastian,  
><strong>_**In my previous letter I addressed to you I said you would never get them. Well, that was a lie. You will receive these but only after I am gone from this world. One might say, the stronger the will the longer the life. But it looks like I didn't have a strong enough will huh?  
>I am truly sorry Sebastian it's not like I want to leave but nature and my own body wont allow it. You have spent the last 8 years with me all for my soul. But the one thing you have waited so long for you will not get and I am sorry for that. I regret that I am going to die and you will have to survive without any one to guide you through the fire and flames of hell. You might find me down there after death but one cannot guarantee this. I only have at least 3 more years to live so when I die I will be 24 years of age. 8 years I have had you by my side. 8 years you have served me. in 11 years that you have served me I will have free'd you from our contract and from my reigns. You will be free and I will be dead but know this. If I was ever given a second chance there would be many things that I would change between us and my love would be one of them.<br>Sincerely, ****Ciel**** A. ****Phantomhive******

I punched Ciel's bedpost with anger. "you seriously think that I will be free when you die?!" I yelled to nothing. A loud crack resounded behind me and I turned. Ciels bed was in shambles and I gulped. "I hope he doesn't kill me." I said and I heard mey-rin outside the door.  
>I opened the door grabbed her arm and walked down to the kitchen. I threw her in the kitchen and the other servants turned to me. "You are not to leave this kitchen until the master returns home. do I make myself clear." I looked them in the eyes and they cowered. "Yes, Sir!" They yelled together and I glared at them making sure my words <strong>actually<strong> heard my words.

I walked back up to Ciel's room slowly. memories of my most treasured times going in and out of my mind.  
><strong><br>~Flashback~**

The house was quiet. To quiet for my liking. Usually there is a crash followed by a female shriek, Or a large explosion that almost always comes from the kitchen. (A.N finnan is usually outside when he ruins things sooo) Master hasn't called for me today either. I wonder why?  
>I walked over to the dining area and when I opened the door a loud *pop* met my ears. My eyes widened in surprise as I saw everyone who is usually making an unbearable racket smiling with ridiculous hats on. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEBASTIAN!" They all yelled except one person who wasn't in the room.<p>

"Wheres the young lord?" I asked and they just smiled. "He'll be out shortly." They said and I sat down, And just when I sat down the kitchen doors opened. I turned my head and I saw Ciel walk out of the kitchen with a cake on the serving cart. He was covered head to toe in chocolate and vanilla, he had a chefs hat on that was sliding off his head and then he licked chocolate off his face and I was delighted.  
>"Happy Birthday Sebastian." He said and he let out a genuine smile. "did you make that my lord?" I asked and Bard laughed. "Yep, Hes been up all week trying to perfect it." Bard kept laughing and Ciel's cheek grew a weird pink on them. "You weren't supposed to tell him that!" Ciel said and he playfully punched bards arm.<p>

I let out a laugh and everyone just stopped. "Is something the matter?" I asked. "Did you just laugh?" Ciel asked and I gave him a Are. you. Dumb? What. kind. of. question. is. that? look and he laughed. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Then I followed his fingers as they made their way to the wet cavern above.  
>Ciel cut the cake and Handed it out to everyone. He handed me a piece and I was about to say i don't like sweets but he just winked and put a finger to his lips.<p>

**~End of flashback~ **

I laughed at the memory of all the faces of Ciel that I got to see that day. But to think that I wont be able to see those faces anymore Broke my already fragile heart to pieces.

_**Ha ha ha. sorry it took so long to finish. *sheepish look* my mind is fizzled. I'm still being stubborn but I took my best friend **__**Promocat**__**'s advice. I'm listening to them at least. But I have to go back to work tomorrow. *Cries.* I want My best friends **__**Promocat**__** and Kurochan12 to save me from this fate. (*oh and If your wondering Kurochan12 is my twin*) muwahahaha. REVIEW AND LIKE!**_


	4. The Third Letter He Ever Wrote

Sebastian's P.O.V I covered my mouth to keep my sobs silent. The letters all were filled with...with... I can't even explain it. I just know that the more letters I read the more detailed and more sorrow fills my heart.  
>Ignoring the aching pain within my heart I picked up the third letter. Just like the rest it had a number on it.<p>

_**~dear Sebastian,**_  
><em><strong>I know how much pain you must be in. How much suffering you have been put through because of me. My damned commands and orders. You have no choice but to obey them and I use that to my advantage. But I am afraid to order you around so much. I am afraid that you will eventually rebel and leave me. I'm afraid that I wont have any one left in the world for me to turn to. Do you remember? a few years ago I was trying to use that ghost camera to get a picture of you and I made excuses. But the real reason why I wanted a picture is because I wanted to know if I was your most precious person. I fell asleep for one reason and That is the nightmares that plague me night and day. So when you took my picture I was afraid that you would see the nightmares in it. But it was just you.<strong>_  
><em><strong>You ARE my most precious person or should I say demon. Except Pluto ruined the picture. My heart aches at the thought of loosing you. The pain I felt when my parents died compares to nothing as the pain I feel now. And I know why that Is. It's because I fell in love with you. I will never try to change that. I will never try to change you or my fate. Because with my time closing in it made me open my eyes. Of who and what I truly am.<strong>_  
><em><strong>You know I love the time I spend with you. You and the servants. My past is no laughing matter yes, But what if I never want to get my revenge? If I do you will take my soul and I would die earlier than I'm supposed to. I don't think I would like that to happen but... Do what you will. My life is yours and your life is mine. Though I never thought my life would end this way. Slowly eating me inside and out. But the one thing I do know, is that I will forever remember you past my time and yours, to heaven and hell and back again. I love you Sebastian Michaelis now and forever. Sincerely, Ciel A. Phantomhive.~<strong>_

My breath hitched In my throat and I dropped the letter I was holding. "After all this time how did I not notice your feelings for me?" I asked myself and I felt a pain go through my heart at an extremely fast rate I felt like I was collapsing inwards on myself. " now I know where my pain comes from when I catch your scent and how something in my chest feels pain when you get kidnapped." I said to myself and I could barely keep myself standing up straight. " I think I love you to."

And the end! so watcha think? Bad? good? Horrible? REVIEW, COMMENT, FOLLOW, READ AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, SHARE ENJOY! ~Ittokiya


	5. The Fourth Letter He Ever Wrote

**_Sebastian's P.O.V_**

I set the previous letter down and I tried to balance myself on Ciel's broken bed post, but I just ended up cutting my hand. "Why?" I asked myself. "Why is so much bottled up?" I asked myself again. I let the tears that were forming in my eyes slip down my cheeks. "Huh? Why am I crying?" I asked. I continuously wiped my tears from my eyes but it was useless. After one tear was wiped away another would come down in its place.  
>I slowly slid down to the floor and pulled my over grown knees to my chest and I stayed like that for a little bit. After wiping the last of my tears I stood up and pulled the box over to me. I shuffled through the letters and I picked up the one at the bottom like the first time. But this time it had a number four on it and I sliced it open with my nail. I pulled the letter out and started to read its contents.<br>~**_Dear Sebastian,  
><em>** **This is probably the fourth or fifth letter I have written to you by now. Today was fun. Except for the fact that I was kidnapped and behind closed curtains and almost raped. It was really fun to tease the kidnappers especially Azzurro Vanel, he was even more fun to tease, but when he beat me and almost raped me, the only thing that ran through my mind was you. I kept thinking to myself if you were almost to the door. Or if you were going to save me in time and you did. You saved me right when I was sure you were going to abandon me and find another contractor and just the thought of that made me loose hope, But then you came and saved me from them and that made me the happiest I have been since my parents deaths.  
>I was also really happy when you carried me because I sprained my ankle and I wanted to murder finnan for bringing it up. You were warm, very warm considering you're practically dead. But I was enjoying the feeling of security that you brought over me. Though I am only 13 and counting and you are over a thousand years old I felt a certain connection between us in that moment. It wasn't the contract it was something different. It was something stronger than the connection that we share from the contract. It welled up in my chest and it was hard to breath. My throat constricted with this uncomfortable feeling and there was this unbearable fleeting feeling in my heart every time you came too close to me. I am afraid to get to close to you, for the fear of rejection is larger than the fear of being raped. And you know Sebastian that can be pretty scary.<br>Though I am basically alone in this world, even past death I will not forget you because you have given me a second chance to live and exact my revenge on the people that did rape me, and the people who killed my parents. We aren't even half way there yet so I hope you will continue to be my guardian angel, well in your case guardian demon.  
><strong>**_~sincerely Ciel A. Phantomhive_**

I let my hands fall to the floor and I stared up to the ceiling. I let out a shaky breath and I looked back down. "Are you happy now Sebastian? Snooping inside my stuff and not to mention breaking my bed?" A voice rang out beside me and since I was already in a weak state from the letters I let out a surprised yelp. "Y-young master?!" I quickly stood up but I stumbled and I was heading face first to the floor but something warm enveloped me. I looked up at a break neck speed and I saw Ciel's face hovering only inches from mine.

I moved swiftly away from him. "Well it doesn't matter anymore anyways they are addressed to you but you couldn't have waited until I died to read them." He said to himself and I punched him in the head. "You're a big idiot." I said to him and he looked up to me with a glare in his eyes. "What was that for?!" He yelled angrily and I grabbed the broken bed post in anger. "How do you think I would feel?" I said barely above a whisper, ignoring the big gash the bed post is making in my hand.  
>I brought my other hand up to my hair and I clutched it and messed it up even more than it already was. "Excuse me?" he asked. "I said how do you think I would feel?!"<br>**_  
>CLIFFHANGER! Yes I love doing this. It leaves you suspecting doesn't it? Lol.<br>~ittokiya-chan is out!_**


End file.
